Historical Tidbits: Beer. Worst Beer Poem Ever

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Arguably the worst beer poem ever written. It's long, so I deleted a couple of stanzas that contain particularly obscure references to local politics.

From the Milwaukee Sentinel, December 21, 1855, p. 2. ODE TO LAGER BEER

* * * II Awake then, muse!

Descend -- or, what is quite The same -- arise, and help me to indite The blushing virtues of the Panacea

Our patient German cousins -- "Vat a peeples!" Have lately found and christened "LAGER BEER!" For blood of grapes, and sparkling juice of apples -- From Gallic brandies, down to ginger-pops --

All drinks succumb to this extract of hops. III (*1)

Oh! uninspired, for me 'twere vain to tell, What joys unnumbered, ever gurgling, well Up from the darksom, deep, and silent vaults That underlie old Kilbourntown--

Those catacombs, not of the dead but malt's Most fragrant essence salted down!

The disemboweled earth hath fountains there, That use, or waste, or drought cannot impair.

IV Most potent LAGER! Thou canst cure the ills Of all thy votaries.

Not one who swills With swaggering air, from out thy frothy cup, His quart or gallon by the hour well scored, But feels more light his burthens at each sup, Till they, and he, at last are fairly floored.

John Bunyan's "Pilgrim" felt his burthen fall, But LAGER lets down burthen, pilgrim, all.

V (*2)

Is one in debt without wherewith to pay? Go up to Market-Place and spend the day.

Hath sharp misfortune struck thee with his dart? Of all physicians thou employest the Best; With kindly LAGER emulate his art, And drown the thought that rankles in your breast

What if the morn produce again the pain?

The same sweet physic physics it again.

VI

Ancient philosopers for ages sought

For wisdom in a stone: but found it not.

No wonder wherefore, in themselves the fault And misdirected were their efforts vain.

They should have sought it in a sack of malt; For keenest wit is inborn -- in the grain.

"When wine is in the wit is out," they say; With barley-juice 'tis just the other way.

VII (*3)

Come up to K**G's some pleasant Sunday night, Where tables, ranged beneath a brilliant light

Of gas, are garnished with quart cups o'erflowing,

And crowded round with portly corporations;

And hear the Babel crash of tongues agoing, Discussing cabbage and the fate of nations,

Those scintillations keen would please thee much,

Albeit with gutturals muttered in High Dutch.

VIII (*4)

'Tis really wonderful what great wiseacres Beer makes of hodmen, carpenters, and bakers

Each tipsy cobbler is a Roger Sherman;

Weazen-Faced scheniders emulate a Clay;

And now the soul of great Teutonic Hermann Animates the butcher over the way.

The host's a German Prince, and every waiter Swells with the wisdom of the legislator.

IX (*5)

But not in Beer Saloon, at midnight hour, Alone the place to witness LAGER's power.

In wider fields he acts fantastic tricks, And bowls down men as players bowl down wickets,

The very devil plays with politics, And has his voters on the winning tickets.

The late election was a case in point: -- All other issues were quite out of joint.

XII

Some, uninformed, may wonder at the cause,

Why beer elects the men who make our laws.

Perhaps to them the reason seems abstruse,

Though very plain to us residing here:

For we, where every second neighbor brews, Preserve our liberties in LAGER BEER.

With confidence we see our welfare hang On the good faith of trusty Cooper Dang.

 

Far spreading LAGER! To what world wide fame Hast thou devoted our Milwaukee name?

In every hamlet of the growing West --

That West whose boundaries are the western skies! --

In which the traveller may chance to rest, A score of shingles greets his wondering eyes,

Where, traced, or daubed, in hieroglyphics rare,

He spells the sign, "MILWAUKEE LAGER BEER!"

XIV

Not further now thy merits I'll disclose,

The public voice has sanctioned all thy woes, Triumphant LAGER! 'Tis Vox Populi!

And prudent men are heedful of the cry.

Why should the pigmy breast an avalanche, Whose head cannot resist a glass of punch?

Buried be all our opposition here!

As evidence, this ODE TO LAGER BEER.

_________________________________

NOTES:

*1. "Kilbourntown" was the German section of Milwaukee. The "catacombs" are the immense lager caves below the ground.

*2. "Market-place" = Market Street in downtown Milwaukee. It was lined with saloons. "Best" = Philip and Jacob Best, owners of Empire Brewing. Frederick Pabst married Phillip's daughter.

*3. "K**g's" probably refers to Krug's restaurant and small brewery. August Krug died in the same month this poem appeared (which may account for the asterisks). Krug's bookkeeper, Joseph Schlitz, bought married Krug's widow and took over the brewery.

*4. In this stanza, Roger Sherman and Henry Clay were 19th century politicians known for their oratorical skills. "Hermann" is the legendary German warrior.

*5. This stanza refers to (and the entire poem was likely inspired by) the recent political uproar in Wisconsin: Some state legislators, including a representative from Milwaukee, tried to pass a state prohibition law. Much to the delight of Milwaukee's Germans, the governor vetoed the bill.

*6. "Shingles" refers to swinging signs hanging above the doorways of shops and saloons.

Drinking, Community, Beer -- and Other Stuff

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In my previous post, I used one of Rick Sellers's blog entries as a jumping off point for a comment on the dilemmas of living "light."

There are now some good coments at Rick's original entry. Jeff Alworth weighed in at Beervana, and Peter Hoey of Sacramento Brewing Company commented at his blog, too.

Me? I'm still thinking about the issues raised. As I've said before, "consumption," whether of beer, clothes, whatever, is much on my mind these days. Sidenote to a point raised in comments at the other blogs: I spent fifteen years waiting tables. It wasn't a side job. It WAS my job. So the matter of the tip factors into my decisions about going out to eat or drink.

(Although, ahem, because I spent so many years waiting tables, I also believe that tips are earned. A food server's sense of entitlement goes nowhere fast with me....)

Historical Tidbits: Beer. New Beers, 1971

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The more things change. . .

In 1971, several small and regional brewing companies introduced new beers aimed at "young adults" who were willing to experiment with "all sorts of beverages of an alcoholic nature."

From Pittsburgh Brewing Company came "Hop'n Gator," described as "a distant cousin of Gatorade" but with 25% more alcohol than beer. (No word on how or why Hop'n qualified as a beer ...)

National Brewing introduced Malt Duck. Hamm Brewing launched "Right Time" two colors, red and gold. The red version, with a fruity sweet flavor was for "girls." The "tart" gold version was for "boys."

Hamm executives believed they had a hit on their hands: Early sales figures indicated that "Right Time" appealed to young drinkers, "blacks, Mexican-Americans, and to some people in the 50-to-60 set."

And then there was "Lime Lager" brewed by Lone Star Brewing Company of Texas. Lone Star aimed the new brew at the beer drinker who "doesn't like the taste of beer but likes lime."

As far as these small regional brewers were concerned, drinks like these were the key to survival. "We have to bring out new products or we'll be buried by the giants," explained one brewery representative.

And hey, apparently that Lime Lager was a good idea!

_____________________

Source: "Advertising: Something Sweet Is Brewing," New York Times, March 31, 1971, p. 73.

Detour From Beer: The Complexity of Living "Light."

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Rick Sellers, part of the crew at Pacific Brew News, has a blog entry worth reading this morning. (Okay, they're always worth reading, but this particular one grabbed my attention.) You can read his entry here.

The issue he raises has larger implications for daily life as we figure out how to scale back our expectations (and our gas consumption).

If I stop going to restaurants, for example, I save money and gasoline. That's good for the environment and for my bank account. But it hurts the people who own restaurants here in town, many of whom I've become friends with over the years. It hurts their employees too, and not just because they earn less money in tips. If everyone stays home to eat, restaurant owners will have to lay off some of their employees.

The same dilemma holds true for shopping, going on vacations, reading newspapers, etc.

Let's look at clothing, for example. Sales are up at consignment and "used" clothing stores because shoppers are buying used rather than new clothing. They're trying to save money and live environmentally by "recycling."

But -- if we all do that, what happens to the people who work in the clothing industry and in department stores? Yes, many of clothes we wear are made in China or Viet Nam and people there are already feeling the crunch. Factories are closing; people are losing their jobs.

If we practice environmentalism by growing and canning our own food, what happens to the people who work for food producers, from the migrant workers out in the fields to the people operating the canning lines at Hunt's and Del Monte?

I'm not really going anywhere with this, except to point out, as Rick did, that living an ecologically correct life and trying to save money (yes, those are two different things) have implications that ripple out into the world around us.

Some decisions are easier, thank god: I don't see a downside to drinking local beer. That keeps owners and workers at local breweries busy and helps all of us reduce our carbon footprint (because the beer doesn't travel as far). But -- most daily decisions aren't so cut-and-dried. Something to ponder while you sip that next (local) beer.