What I Wish For In 2009

No, not world peace, harmony, and the disappearance of Sarah Palin, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton. Well, I do wish for those things, but . . . . I'll settle for something simpler: I wish bloggers everywhere would understand that ain't no one gonna read their Great Thoughts unless those Great Thoughts are presented in a format that is easy on the eyes. (*1)

That means:

1. NO TEXT ON A BLACK BACKGROUND. NONE. ZIPPO. NADA. No brown, orange, or textured backgrounds. White only, please! (*2)

2. Text in black only. Not red, pink, orange, or, god forbid, yellow. Black. Preferably in a basic font. That gothic-y, script-like stuff is hard to read. Plus it's ugly. (Font size isn't a problem. If it's too small, I just hit the control and + keys to enlarge the screen image.)

3. Paragraphs that are only a couple of sentences long. (Yes, I realize that a paragraph is supposed to be at least three sentences long and express a single coherent idea, but on a computer monitor, paragraphs of more than 2-3 sentences are hard to read.)

4. Bare minimum, one line between paragraphs.

Like this.

5. Screen layouts that are, ya know, readable. That means that your column width should be, at most, a half screen wide. It's almost impossible to read a column of text that runs from one side of the screen to the other. Do these things, and I will read. Otherwise, one visit, and I'm outta there.

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*1: Yes, adding a blog to my rss feed solves many of these problems. I use the Google Reader and every blog's entries are presented in an uncluttered, readable format. But those rss entries often direct me to other blogs that are not on my feed. Upon being taken to those "outside" blogs, I need only five, six seconds to decide whether the appearance is readable or not... Besides, I needed something to complain about.......

*2: I'm not even crazy about the dark background that surrounds the text on this page you're looking at. Presumably I'll be able to dump it when the webmaster switches me over to Movable Type version Whatever. [Note added long after: I wrote this when I was residing at my second website.]

Just In Time For New Year's Eve: Getting The Blog Back To Normal -- And Stocking Your Home Bar

I'm obsessive about saving, backing up, etc., and so I've been able to reconstitute some of the blog entries that got demolished in the Big Crash of '08. They're below, back-dated to their original posting dates. See here, here, and here.

Two shorter posts that vanished were holiday-connected, and so I'm reposting them in this entry: advice for the home bartender from Jacob Grier. Jacob, you may recall, is our resident drinks expert and, as important, our man-on-the-beat for cogent, up-to-the-minute rants-and-reporting about the nanny state. (*1)

For tips on bartending hardware, see Jacob's entry here. For his tips on the well-stocked bar, see this.

As I type this, it's December 30. You've still got time tomorrow to shop for tomorrow's celebration tomorrow.

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*1: Jacob is joined in these tasks by Jeffrey Morganthaler and the folk(s) at Cocktail Revolution.

When The E-World Goes Haywire; Or, My Unexpected, Unwanted, and Unpleasant Break From Blogging

Who knew that I'd be UPSET about a break from blogging? Who knew? Evidence that you can teach an old dog (me) new tricks (I once scoffed at blogging; now I'm an addict...)

Anyway. First, sincere thanks to all of you who wrote to inquire about the abrupt collapse of the blog. I appreciate that you cared. Sob. Snurfle. Getting all weepy here.

Second, I apologize up one side and down the other for the general weirdness of the past 12 days. I won't bore you with an explanation of what happened, but I had no control over it, did not know it would happen, and couldn't do anything about it. With any luck, it won't happen again.

Finally, there will be (I believe and hope) one more small change: My host must upgrade my blog to the new version of Movable Type, so at some point in the next few days or few weeks, the blog's appearance will change. (For, I believe, the better. It's pretty damn spartan here.) With luck (please e-gods, please be on my side this time), it won't be too disruptive. So again -- here's hoping and thanks for sticking with me.

My Plan For The Big Three Automakers

Here’s my plan for the Big Three Bailout (I’m serious, by the way. Obviously I have no clout and no contacts and no way to promote my plan, but that’s not stopping me from proposing it.)

So far all the talk has been about how much money should we-the-taxpayers ought to give the Big Three and under what conditions. I think that’s the wrong approach (obviously, or I wouldn’t be wasting my time and yours outlining my alternative.

Here’s my plan: First, let the companies fail.

Second, hire the Car Czar -- but make sure it’s someone from OUTSIDE the auto industry. My vote is for someone at Google, because, love ‘em or hate ‘em, those Google folks are smart, creative, and innovative. They invented the phrase “think outside the box.” (Not literally, but you get the idea.)

Third, put most of the money that would have gone to the companies into a special unemployment fund for all the people who will lose their jobs because the Big Three have shut down.

Fourth: use part of the money to have the Car Czar and his/her staff fund and organize “wisdom-and-planning groups,” which will consist of those laid-off auto industry employees: line workers, engineers, managers, designers, foremen and so on. Collectively, those people represent years of car-making wisdom. They’ve been on the front lines. They know what works and what doesn’t. Let them talk about and draw up plans for new, 21st-century automakers.

As plans solidify, the Car Czar will then begin re-hiring those same former auto-industry employees to help turn the plans into nuts, bolts, machine tools, and new cars.

Do I sound crazy? Maybe. But no crazier than the idea of giving the Big Three Dumbasses millions of dollars when they haven’t a clue what to do with it and will, mostly likely, come back in six months asking for more.

So --- I'm Not A Complete Idiot

This is a completely self-indulgent post, so by all means: ignore. (Well, who am I kidding. Writing blog posts or anything else is, by definition, an exercise in self-indulgence....)

I spend much of my time expounding on this, that, and the other thing. Journalists regularly interview me, mostly about beer, but sometimes about plumbing or Key West. I write op-ed pieces. I appear more-or-less regularly on Fox Business Network. In short, I put myself out there as Someone Who Knows Something. But -- I sometimes experience self-doubt (although I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who does)

I mean, okay, so I’ve got a PhD in history. So I spent five years working on a book about beer and two years writing one about Key West and four years writing a thesis, dissertation, and then a book about plumbing. Do I know anything? Have I learned anything from my years of training and practice? When I’m sitting there on-camera or talking a reporter, do I REALLY know what the hell I’m talking about?

Apparently I do.

I learned this week when Pete Reid, the editor of Modern Brewery Age, interviewed Robert Weinberg. (Sorry, the MBA weekly is subscription-only). Weinberg was, during his long career (he’s in his eighties and at least semi-retired), the nation’s leading brewing industry analyst. Whatever there is to know or understand about American brewing, Bob Weinberg has it in his brain. I got a chance to meet and talk to him two years ago, and I assure you: He’s smart. Ultra smart.

Anyway, Pete asked Weinberg about the InBev acquisition of A-B, and what that event and the failing economy mean to A-B InBev and the rest of the industry. And according to Weinberg -- it means just about what I’ve been saying in print, at this blog, and on television for the past six months. (For any or all of it, see in particular my various related blog series. Links are on left side of your screen.)

Again, I can’t direct you to the interview, but it’s probably okay if I share a couple of quotes (it IS okay, isn’t it, Pete?) Said Weinberg regarding the InBev purchase:

I think we will see a level of competition now that the industry has not seen before. It will be a true battle of the titans.

He also said that InBev’s takeover “will likely change the corporate culture of A-B,” which would be, in his words,

a shame. . . . There was a human element to A-B, that had to do with the family ownership. There was a genuine pride, and they cared so much about the beer they made. If it just comes down to dollars and cents, some of that pride will evaporate.

There was more, the drift was -- Weinberg and I are on the same page. Apparently I’m not a complete idiot. Good to know. I’m thinking of this as Mr. Weinberg’s solstice-season gift to me.

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All quotes from “Analyst Weinberg says ABI has big opportunities,” Modern Brewery Age 59, no. 50 (December 15, 2008): 5.

Second -- And Different -- Thoughts On Vilsack

Second Thoughts On Vilsack Okay -- I spent much of yesterday thinking about Obama’s nomination of Tom Vilsack as Secretary of Agriculture -- and have had second thoughts. And I retract my previous statement. This was a case where I was a bit too close to the situation and didn’t think it all the way through. (I live in Iowa and Vilsack governed the state from 1998 to 2006.)

My initial reaction was: huh? Couldn’t BHO find someone a bit more forward-thinking? But -- in fact, Vilsack engaged in plenty of forward and creative thinking during his two terms as governor. I can see, however, why others might doubt that. After all, Iowa is known primarily for Big Agriculture, and therefore lots of the much-reviled Big Subsidies.

But Vilsack worked hard as governor to force us Iowans to step back and take a second look at how we see “agriculture.” (Which isn’t that easy to do: farming is like air around here; it’s the last thing we notice...)

During his tenure, the state encouraged and fostered research and development in alternative fuels, bio-pharmaceuticals, alternative energy, organic farming, and “alternative” medicine (aka “eastern” medicines), much of which depends on plants. The state created agencies to help foster these areas of R&D, but it also encouraged the two research universities to devote time and resources to these issues.

Among other things, for example, Iowa State University now has a superb program in bioethics, because of course “agriculture” forces humans to deal with the social and ethical consequences of what we put in the ground. Iowa is also now, among the fifty states, the second-largest producer of wind power.

I should also add that although “ethanol” got a lot of attention the past few years, Vilsack encouraged researchers to think waaaaaaay byond corn-as-fuel. There are a number of research projects here in Ames exploring the use of other plants as fuel, including harvest leavings and weeds.

But here’s the point: Vilsack encouraged these efforts because he’s smart and willing to tackle complex problems, but also because he himself is not now and never has been a farmer. (He’s a lawyer.) His view of agriculture was that of an outsider and, as a result, was more forward-looking and creative than many of our previous governors who did come from farming backgrounds. (Indeed, as the news broke yesterday about Vilsack’s nomination, farmers around the state openly criticized the choice because Vilsack was NOT a farmer.)

And it’s worth pointing out that the U.S. Department of Agriculture is best served by someone who isn’t a farmer. Why? Because the “farming” and “agriculture” are only small components of the USDA’s responsibilties. Indeed, the department is charged with an incredible range of jobs and with developing and carrying out policies for food aid (including foodstamps), conservation, food safety, nutrition, food-related research, rural development, and the like.

So it’s useful to have someone like Vilsack. After all, agriculture is part of what happens here in Iowa, but it sure as hell isn’t the only thing. (Only Connecticut, for example, has a larger insurance industry.) Iowa is also a state that contains the richest soil in the world (I’m sitting on some of it as I type this), as well as some of the nation’s worst poverty. But Iowa isn't just farms, and so Vilsack also knows that the U.S. consists of cities and rural areas that need to figure out how to live in a digital world.

And I gather from yesterday’s news reports that yes, he’s learned how to use email (something he was rather proud of not knowing while he was governor, sad to say) and owns a blackberry. He’s also, as I noted yesterday, a decent human being. Yes, he’s a politician; don’t let his mild-mannered demeanor fool you. But -- Blagojevich, he ain’t.