Just Enjoy the Beer, Goddamnit; Or, the Silence of the Mustard

Okay, this is the best thing I've read all day. (No surprise that it came from Alan McLeod.) (Besides, what's not to like about the word "twee"?) (Plus, I love mustard and am falling out of my chair over the notion of contemplating its silence, to say nothing of pain.) And I had exactly the same reaction to the "money quote":

“Be analytical,” she says. “We don’t care if you like it or not.”

Huh? I'm with Alan: Don't taste your beer near me. (And, no, I'm not gonna bother to be as polite as he and say "please.") Silent mustard, indeed. Ptooey.